Saturday, May 5, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

The blog world lends itself to putting our best feet forward. Our lives are curated and polished and styled, lit in flattering light.  All those flaws are hidden safely away.  But lately there has been a "revolt" of sorts, among some smart blogs, like Creature Comforts, and Make Under My Life.  "Concerned / frustrated / flummoxed about the vast cavern between true reality and the presentation of "reality" on blogs," a group of these bloggers have lately been writing posts about those rumblings that never make it to the page, thoughts that are too embarrassing or ugly to get air time, or things that are, well, real.

I, too, sometimes feel the pressure of always needing to inspire or to be creative here.  I feel a certain responsibility toward my followers and honestly, toward myself.  I want to keep this place pure and inspiring and a chronicle of all that is good and beautiful in my (and our) lives.  But I thought these writers had a good and valid point, and I wanted to join the chorus of those who are interested in transparency and honesty.  So here goes:

I hate Instagram. I feel as if it's cheating to get a good photo, so I refuse to use it, but since everyone I know uses it, I feel like I am being a big fat snob.  It just seems to me to be the photographic equivalent of that recording software Britney Spears uses to get her voice on key.

Sometimes I eat cookies for lunch.  JUST cookies.

I bought a fish to teach my 9 year old about responsibility.  It's not working.  I hold out as long as I can, but I always end up feeding our beta fish, Buddha, (who I believe, after he swallows those little fishy-smelling pellets, looks up at me with pitiful gratitude.)

Summertime makes me sad, and I feel as if I am missing something wonderful, because everyone seems so happy, but I don't get it.  It's hot.  It's humid.  My hair cannot be contained. Weeds multiply. The kids need to be occupied.  I work less because the aforementioned kids need to be occupied.  Bathing suits and I are not friends. My husband and GOLF.  And did I mention it's hot?

I haven't mopped the studio floor in almost 6 months. No excuse and Yuck.

I don't think I have ever, EVER, gone without yelling at least once a day at my kids.  That being said, I have never, EVER loved any two beings more than my children.  Sometimes it frightens me how much I love them.

I get along pretty great with one sister and pretty rotten with the other.  It's a constant source of aggita.

I still wear shoes and jeans from college, which was TWENTY years ago, and I have no business wearing either of them.  This brings me to the thought that I am not really that good at being a girl, which sometimes gets me sort of down.  I hate clothes shopping, spa days, bling, chatting on the phone. What else is girly?  See?  I don't even know. What redeems this thought is that I secretly love a good piece of gossip and interior design, baking, keeping my toes polished, and vintage handbags.  So maybe there is hope for me yet?

I am afraid that I will wake up tomorrow morning and I won't have one, single, solitary idea.

Now, step back.  This blog posting will self-destruct in 30 seconds.


  1. So much of this is familiar to me. Thanks for sharing:)

  2. I don't think the things you are afraid to tell us are that bad! Maybe that means mine are worse?? :)

    For the record - I wanted to stand up and cheer when you opened with Instagram - I hate it too.


  3. I admire your bravery and honesty in doing this!! : ) You go girl! : )
    I am thinking you must feel a bit of a sense of relief and freedom when you post! Easy for me to say, now lets see if I can do it! : )

    PS. I love how your last line! "Now, step back. This blog posting will self-destruct in 30 seconds." That cracked me up!!

  4. Great post, thank for being courageous and putting a smile on my face.

  5. Hey, me too! Your honesty and self revelation helps round out the character that is presented in the blog, I loved reading it and feeling I know you better. (I hate girly stuff too and I don't care what I wear most of the time...)

  6. Wow, I loved this post! It made me laugh, but also, it was amazing how many of these points I identified with. Especially about summer and the 'girlie' things! I'm with you on those. Thanks for this, it was really refreshing.

  7. Yes! What a great rant. It warms my heart to read your honest words. I can relate with a lot of your points (except for the children bits because I have none, and the summer bit. Although I think bathing suits have no friends at all and don't deserve any either). So glad to see that I'm not the only one who hates (it's not just a disliking, it really is hating) instagram. Thank you!

  8. haha, you make me smile, not only because I think it is funny also because it is nice to know that I have a partner at some points!

  9. I love it when the authentic self emerges and spills onto the is all a part of who we are and what is beautiful about us. <3

  10. And so, I haven't swept under the furniture all winter. Spring comes and I do it all, but when it is grey, I just cant't get it together.
    I am thinking of renting a wreck, only one side is usable as a studio, because, and I have no small children at home, I am continually interrupted by the person I love and live with and I just need long times to work and get a flow.
    I am totally impatient with anyone, who chooses institutional ease over doing the right thing.
    I never in one million years thought forty years later birth control, equal rights for women or 10 eyar wars would still be accepted.

  11. I like your post!! I agree with you . The web is not real life !

  12. you're brave, I've yelled, my hair gets big in humidity, summer is when I make a list of 100 things I'd like to do and end up doing 12, i am a terrible photographer and no amount of auto tuning is going to help, my husband has a bike, and its just nice to know you're out there, xo

  13. I LOVE all this truth telling!!! It gives me hope in this glossy, curated world!! Thank you for all your comments and for keeping it real. xo Rae

  14. Haha, Rae :D I got to the party late, but I'm so glad I read this today - I needed it :) I love blogging honesty - I think we get too little of that in day-to-day life & all. I'm ALL for being real!

    I personally think people using Instagram are the big fat snobs, but that's just me - I totally agree with you - for what it's worth ;)
    & you know, I don't think there is a rule book on being a girl... If there is, I haven't found it either, and I think I'm proud of that. Talking about being a snob, that's how I feel about girls. Girly-girls. I'm above that. And so are you :D

    Thank you for this! You rock!! xx

  15. Love this post! I also hate Instagram. I also don´t have an iPhone. I don´t like summer, it makes me sad, too, because it passes every year witough keeping promises (not his fault, but anyway, I prefer spring and autumn. I seem to be a person who loves the inbetween, the not hot not cold). If I had kids, I am sure I´d yell at them. I love beauty and that´s why I love to read about beautiful lives on blogs. But deep inside, I hope that those people are not so perfect as they seem, I just hope I could connect with them also in real life. In my life there are little moments of beauty every day, but it´s soo far away from being perfect. It´s just life, nothing more.

  16. ah and bathing suits and me are also not very good friends..I have the whitest skin and I am really not a beach beauty at all!